my chains are gone

2011-06-03T15:49:00.002+08:00

do you remember?

As much as i want to get over, I still find it tough. You were amazing.

2011-05-27T23:29:00.001+08:00

I just dont get it and i dont want to. Go away.

2011-05-24T23:38:00.002+08:00

dear blogger/ unknown readers,

Today's my birthday. And it all started out so good. At midnight, the netballers came to surprise me. I really didnt expected anything from them. Seriously. The only thing in my mind was that it'll be the most aweful day, whereby my parents wont even remember that it's my birthday, or most of my friends would forget also. So when my mum came in i just said that it didnt matter if it's my birthday at all, then came in the netballers, with a giant card, few pieces of sliced birthday cake and the video of E-liz imitating Mrs J for.. many years. When did she start the very first video? hah.

After they were gone, I continued with my Doctor Who. And i slept until the next morning at 11am. Cause i still see no point of making myself so excited for the day, so why spend so long for this day. Anw, many msges came in, plus facebook wishes. Then for lunch, I ate with er jie. Balithai. Thereafter, we went to the pets safari. And my sister bought me a giraffe! Poor Raffti.

So, Big question. How did i spent my birthday? I was siting infront of this very computer the whole day watching series of Doctor Who and HIMYM. It's the same for me every single day. And guess what? Today was infact the most painful day and aweful day ever. Cause i didnt have someone to share it with throughout like last year. It was so horrible. I missed him. I still dont understand. Even though he may not be here torturing me emotionally, he still can. Memories of him just wants to fade away. But yet, im still holding on. What for? You're just wasting your time and effort. I hate myself for this. It's just such a lonely birthday.
I really wanted to get through this day without crying. But i've failed.
I know you dont care. And you're annoyed with me for everything. Nothing i do can ever have you back. Then why am i finding it so damn f-ing difficult to let go of you.

One thing i did learn today. Dont have any expectations at all and you wont be disappointed.
It's 11.53pm. Just 7 more minutes to the end of my birthday. It doesnt matter anymore.

2011-05-22T00:43:00.002+08:00

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own and I know
That I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain

2011-05-15T22:33:00.003+08:00

This is the month of May. Which also means my birthday is coming. Everyone say: AWESOME!
Anw, what do i want to get for my birthday? Well, stuff like that $90 green long pants from zara. I didnt think i would turn out liking things from zara and stuff that would cost more than $30. Have the money, but not the heart to spend it. :/ Besides trying to save as much.. for those of you who knows what's going on here and there. :) Other stuff includes a rock climbing shoes, that brown vintage bag (maybe not vintage).. There are other stuff, but i cant really rmb right now. :) Anw, one thing i would love to have for my birthday is that everyone gives me blue flowers. I'd be so pychic to wake up in the morning receiving blue flowers till the cows comes home. It's not the usual birthday present, but it would be memorable and AWESOME!. Plus, I REALLY LIKE BLUE FLOWERS!. In my whole life, i didnt receive one blue flower at all. :/ so i guess it would be awesome. Sadly at the same time, no one is reading this blog cause it's long dead and gone. No one knows this blog is alive and kicking! I guess, my birthday will just be another ordinary day. Just like how i spent it for the past 3 years. I really want something special this year.

the ultimate thing that i want can never happen.

2011-05-11T08:05:00.002+08:00

As I walked to your doorstep, I wonder, what if he opens the door? As I look from you afar, I wonder, will he notice me? Till today, i know im not completely over. Yet, I can stay calm. There's just something about you. But what? I know it's gonna be a long way for me. There's nothing I can do about it, but to pray.

Why you?

2011-05-09T12:40:00.002+08:00

Times has been hard on me. But I guess there's are worse cases. Right now as Im typing, I can feel my heart beating so damn hard. Reason? Im on the verge of crying. So in order not to, I have to breathe very hard and calmly. By just talking, tears would come. So whenever I wanna stop all these tears, I'd go to facebook and go to J's profile. Play the video- Oceans will Part. I find comfort in that song.

One thing i realised is that doing stuff, keeping myself busy is only a temporary solution. Eventually, it'll get tougher. Some nights you dream of him. Sometimes, you see him in your house. But it's just an imagination. Really, this thing is tearing me into bits and pieces. I become vulnerable at one look at his face. Or even seeing couples tgh. It just reminds me of him. It seems like everythings does nowadays. It's tough. But what else can do but to hold on to Him. Only God can take the pain away. And it's when times like this comes, all the more i should hang on to Him. Only He can bring me out of sufferings and pain. Being a christian doesnt mean you get to live a life without pain or trouble. For some, they live with it throughout their lives. I should be grateful that this is only temporary pain. It's taking more than I expected. But it'll pass. I believe God will not let me go through this for any longer. I believe it'll pass soon. Cause Im finally learning to let go of him. I just wished it didnt have to turn out this way. Cause it really sucks. Really.

I've lost a bestfriend at the same time. And i know that I can never have that friend that I used to know anymore. We've become strangers. You are stuck to your phone like glue. Even though i was beside you, you chose your phone over me. Silence took place. Nothing else came. You're not the man I used to know. Where's he?

2011-05-08T22:09:00.002+08:00

One of my greatest regret is that I didn't cherish you. You slipped away through my fingers. And it really sucks without you. Especially when I walk down the memory lane. You've yet to fulfill your promises. Some made more than one year ago. Remember when you said that you fear that you couldn't provide for me? Truth is, you can't. But I didn't mind. All because I loved you too much to care about all these. But when you kept making promises and couldn't deliver, I just felt they were empty promises. That's why i began to bug you. I wanted you to know that you shouldn't make promises when you know you can't deliver. But why do you still do it? Isit because you dont wanna let me down? You've done by making empty promises. Yet, you denied. You said you were gonna fulfill it. Said it all takes time. Really? Cause right now, I think it doesnt matter anymore. Just felt very cheated by you. Yet, right now, I still dont mind you doing that. Why? Because you're still on my mind. In my heart. I know this may never come true. All I want is a second chance with you. To make it an even better one. In my eyes, I still only see you. Although I've told some something else. I cant hide it. Some of my friends will kill me if they see this. But i couldn't care less. Why would I let myself hurt again cause of the same guy? Why can't I learn my lesson? Why can't I let go? Yet, it's not because I can't. But i wouldn't. Then why wouldn't I? I dont know. Why the hell am I still in Love with you? In love with someone whom I know can't provide for me? Whom I know I won't have a future with. Why the hell? Sucks really. Why did you have to be the first? I've told you so. You said to take that leap of faith with you. I did. It didn't work out. I TOLD YOU SO! Why did we rush into things? See now what I've done to our prefectly fine friendship. Our perfectly innocent friendship which turned out into a disaster in the end. The reason why I've said that I've should have said no was because I wanted you in my whole live. I know a relationship would destroy it. But why the hell did I let it happen? It sucks really. You have no idea how Im feeling right now. Especially when everything seems to crash down on me. Family; friends; you. You have no idea. Yet you want me to be okay within one day. Bullshit really. If I can do that. That means I dont treasure any of the relationships i have with anyone. You just dont understand. I just dont understand why too.

God, please help me. I really need to let go of the need to know why. Having faith is not as easy as you think it is. It's not. I struggle with it every single time. Cause every single time, i would try to take it into my hands.

Why must it be YOU!?

2011-05-07T23:39:00.004+08:00

Dear bloggers with no readers. Well, i assumed there isnt anymore. I feel that I've been a burden to some. A troubled heart, a troubled mind. To say the truth, I was over him. But, the more things i do with my friends and alone brings me many memories of him. Making me falling in love again. I just feel empty, you know. And all im doing is to try to fill this emptiness with my friends. To say the truth, I feel more alive when im with him. Really. He said that if my friends ever knew, they'd be so disappointed. How would they feel? Well, how did I feel when Im with them? No point of asking myself what went wrong. And how I wish I could turn back time. Cause it's all gone. Just memories fading away. I dont remember the unhappy moments. All that is filled in my mind is how happy we were at that point. It hurts. It does. But there's no point. Telling myself to give up is the toughest thing when I loved him the best I could. Yet, it wasnt enough. I met him the other day. Face to face. No, it was planned at all. I just happened to see him. And yet, i saw how awkward he looked. I know he saw me. But he pretending not to. What happened? What happened to us? As much as my friends want me to move on, as much as i hate to say this, I still love him. And idk what else to do. Seriously, I've done so much to try to move on. Even to the point of trying to like someone else to get over him. It's not working. If you read this and wanna scream at me or scold me. Go ahead. He already did. It's just painful. And i just dont understand why men can get over so easily, while it's killing me from the inside out.

Being loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
-You said so yourself

2011-05-06T01:21:00.004+08:00

Right now, I dont feel at peace. Im uncomfortable in many ways that can't be described and some, I would rather not mention least it gives me any emotional unrest. That's the last thing I would want especially Im not really emotionally stable. As you know, there's many troubled things going on my mind. Some still haunting me. Even in my dreams. It was so bad to the point I cried that night and not wanting to sleep for I fear, even though I was so tired.

But one thing i did do. I cried out to God. I prayed to Him. Asking Him to give me peace. That night, I didnt had that dream, which I had for 5 consecutive nights. To me, it was nightmare. It was messing up my mind, my thoughts.

Even though all these are happening to me, I know God has planned something else greater for me. I used to ask God, why me? Why is all these happening to me now and why now? But I've learnt that I need to let go of the need to know why. I need to put my trust in Him completely. That is one thing I've always find difficult to do. But Blessed be the Lord for I am learning to put my trust in Him.

Although Im not feeling at peace right now. I know God is always watching me. I believe.

2011-05-05T17:19:00.002+08:00

If my heart has grown cold
There Your love will unfold
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
When i'm blind to my way
There Your Spirit will pray
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hands
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hands

Oceans will part nations come
At the whisper of Your call
Hope will rise glory shown
In my life Your will be done

Present suffering may pass
Lord Your mercy may last
A You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
And my heart will find praise
I'll delight in Your way
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand

Oceans will part nations come
At the whisper of Your call
Hope will rise glory shown
In my life Your will be done

2011-04-23T01:42:00.002+08:00

Before the throne of God above,
I have a strong, a perfect plea,
A great High Priest whose name is "Love"
Who ever lives and pleads for me
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart;
I know that while in heav'n He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart

When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward i look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin
Because the sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.
To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there! The risen Lamb,
My perfect, spotless Righteousness,
The great unchangeable I AM,
The King of Glory and of Grace!
One with Himself I cannot die,
My soul is purchased by His blood;
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Chrtist, my Savior and my God
With Christ, my Svior and my God

2011-04-22T01:16:00.007+08:00

In the afternoon, had an AWESOME time with pearlyn! Lunch, IKEA, eat. Basically, just eat.
Evening, had an AWESOME time with joey seah! Dinner at Wendy's. Their frosty is weird. I cant use a straw to drink it. But they still provided me a straw. They should provide me a spoon instead. (: In conclusion, today was a short but AWESOME day!. AWESOME!

now, here's something amazing. (:

[apparently, video cant upload. Hence, here's the link. :(]
http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=9CFEMMNU

2011-04-22T00:50:00.002+08:00

Without love
Every word is wasted
Without love
The future doesnt matter
Without love
Faith is academic
Without love
Feeding the poor doesnt pay
Without love
Great sacrifice is great foolishness
Without love
Marriage is negotiation
Without love
Parenting is child care
Without love
Work is merely work
Without love
Time is only money
Without love
Fear remains
Without love
God is not
Without love
I will serve myself with all my heart, soul and mind
What is love again?

2011-04-20T01:38:00.005+08:00

Hey there, blog readers. I guess there arent many now. :/ Anw, i just realised that i was kinda lame when i was in secondary school.. Okay fine, pretty lame. And how did it all started? Well, i was looking for a video but couldnt find it. And then i remembered that i've posted it on my blog before! But i found out that i was lame instead. Hahahah! *frowns*

It's been so long since i've blogged. So im blogging now! So excited!. :) Anw, right now is 1:42am. and i freaking have a game to go to tml at 9am plus at WOODLANDS! Btw, im not playing. So, phew!.

Okay, not many people visits my blog anymore. Or maybe none. Doesnt matter. The point is that i can blog whatever without thinking if that cute guy will read this and thinks im a fool or that cool girl will think im retarded and so i will never join her cool gang. hah!. Relieved! So what im about to type next is -wait for it (i've always wanted to use this quote but never got the chance to or rather, dk how to apply!)- MY GOALS BEFORE UNI STARTS! WHEE!~

1. spend more time with God

2. lose weight (that's like almost every girls' dream! even if they're impossibly thin!)

3. do more progs before it's too late!

4. i'd rather not mention it

5. hmm.. i thought i had a lot of goals in mind.

oh well, turns out im wrong.

Lastly,

He's so HOT! Sadly, his tats are blocking his HOT body.
So unlike me to say such a thing. Well, surprise! surprise!

stay tuned! (i know im freaking lame now. :/ But i love it! )
verse for the day(mainly for me to remember)

Job1:21- God gives. God takes. God's name be ever blessed.

2011-04-02T00:33:00.003+08:00

you are my strength

strength like no other
strength like no other

reaches to me

you are my hope

hope like no other

reaches to me

2011-03-04T00:21:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow, the results of A levels will be released. Im pretty sure that i'll start crying no matter what kind of results i'll get. And i plan to kinda run away like when my name is called, i'll just grab the result slip and run somewhere. Very drama, i know. Tomorrow, i'll just have to be brave and face this on my own. it's tough, yes. But who can i rely on? My friends will have the same feeling of anxiety when they collect their results. They might cry. But thank God i have some friends who can be there for me. I guess all i can do is to have faith in God and hope for the best. cause worrying doesnt change anything. And i believe God knows what He is doing.

(My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways-Isaiah 55:8)

Come to think about that, i havent been committing myself completely to God. My mind is filled with all sorts of nonsense which doesnt matter anymore. I guess im still crushed and as from right now, or maybe a few days ago, i will learn to be an independent woman. cause BOYS ARE IMMATURE. So am i. Never date while you're still young. (i love to watch '16 and pregnant', so you can see how guys are when they are dragged down by their actions. Irresponsible for some, i must say. And it serves as a reminder as well.)
-Funny how i can link from results to boys.

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. - Hebrews 11:1

2011-02-12T19:18:00.004+08:00

How deep the Father's love for us?
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give Uis only son
And make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many son's to glory

Behold the Man upon the cross
My sin upon His shoulder
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But i will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this is know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

-this song has truely touched my heart.
Enjoy!

2011-01-16T21:50:00.003+08:00

ytd, i went out w the netballers + eddida. it was super awesome! And today i was late for church. guess i was really tired till i couldnt even hear my own alarm!. :/

What happened yesterday was that i had my first camp as a camp instructor. The kids were really awesome only if you disregard their behaviour, attitude.. mostly nonsense. Other than that they're really awesome.. oh plus other than scolding them almost every 5 to 10 minutes. :/ Thank God it was only a 2 day camp. I was so exhausted!. They were still as hyper as ever. They wouldnt sleep, wouldnt eat and wouldnt leave me in peace. :(

Still, i cant wait for another camp!!. yippee!!:D

And 12 jan was my first job working as a waitress. I seriously didnt know standing up for 7 hours in heels could do so much damage to your feet. Currently, one of my toe nails is coming off. And my 2 big toes have the potential to do so too!. :( I have blisters on my blisters! And it was only one day. :( I should have bought a pair which doesnt have heels. Oh. Funny thing was that i took mc on the next day. I feel like such a weakling. But hey, i need to care for my feet too!!.

And i need to lose weight badly! :(

2011-01-06T00:38:00.002+08:00

hello world. im going taiwan tml. im so excited! but i feel that im not ready for it.. what if the weather is too cold? am i too kia su for bring so many clothings? and what if it's warm? i'll just die of pesperation. hehe. im leaving in a few hours and im not done packing! i think my luggage is too small. :( and i planned not to sleep! but.. i think my plan will obviously fail. im alr yawning!. *yawns*

right now nicky is outside with his friends. how i wish to join him on his birthday. i hope things will be fine baby. i love you.

i bet taiwan will be awesome! especially the trip to leofu theme park! Whoo! :D
and i wanna go to UUS. oh i have discount!!:D aint that awesome!?

heh.

2010-12-07T21:18:00.002+08:00

friday- prom night.
Pictures are on facebook. (:

saturday to sunday -BFC 31
It was awesome while it lasted yet, there are some small details that made it unpleasant. However, this small detail has somehow amplified itself. Or rather, i did. I once called you my friend. But who are you now? I dont know you anymore. Who are you to say such things to me? Who are you? You are nobody in my eyes now.

This may never start.
We could fall apart.
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?

2010-03-06T22:15:00.003+08:00

what can a smile do?

hello ms pea. i miss you so dearly. hopefully you'll see this post soon. anw, guess what? my common test is next week. /: i feel that im not prepared for it. im so tired.. mentally tired. and you know what? i regret many things in life. thinking back that i should have done this and that. i need to talk to you.. but then i realise that whenever i meet up with you, i tend not to talk about the things that i want to say. cause i feel that there's no point. what's the point of complaining right? people will get sick of it if i go on and on and on.. so actually, whatever i tell you is only the surface or maybe something that i really need to say out. anw, i'd rather share my joy with you. (x
anw, i still want to thank you for the valentine's present. it's really a pleasant surprise. cause i found it in my fridge. haha.. i know you didnt put it there, my mum did. hahaha. anw, tml will be my first time playing for church service. just had band practice. and im feeling rather scared now cause i freak at crowds. but i hope that this will help my train to face my fears of large crowds. (x

anw, friday was the release of a levels results and srjc had improved. (x i really admire those people who have seriously great time management. cause they still manage to find joy in the midst of all stress. they juggle their time so well with studies and play. and what's more is that they are leaders of the school. and they have a lot of commitment. that's what makes them admirable.
but one thing i feel that is that im not given a chance to lead. just because im not very open and not enthu. /: well, whatever life throws at me, i'll take it. like right now, life is throwing me with teachers who gives me a lot of homework. and common test is just next week. im willing to accept it.. without complains.. but it's human nature that we cant handle a lot of things. people do get stressed. people do cry. if you tell me not to cry, i'll tell you to shut up. cause crying does actually makes me feel better. and it's usually the strong that dares to cry infront of the many. the strong dares to show their weakness. and weak hides it all and comment on people to make them feel bad about themselves.

on a note, you are one awesome guy. thank you for all. though you've done nothing much. (x

2010-02-06T22:38:00.003+08:00

i see you, and i still do.

what a week! a very tiring week. a very.. hmm sad one too. and yes. my class was super small during that week. many were OGLs. and somehow, im jealous at them that they do not have to go to class and have fun. but yet, i thank God that i didnt signed up. cause i would have to use my free time to catch up with the oh so many work. i think i'll be super busy and stressed. and i think i wouldnt have the time to sit back and relax - just for a while- if i was a OGL. plus i may fail many test and quizes. (: so it's a good thing right? but then im still sad that i didnt get the white shirt. if i was a game facilitator, i'll only miss class for one day. plus i get the shirt. haiz. unfair. but it's alright. it's just shirt right?.

anw, after a long, long, long holiday, i thought i would get over. but i dont think i did. ): cause you're still everywhere. in school, at the busstop, at the gallery, at the LT.. you have to get out. you're such a distraction in my life. i dont know what to really say anymore. and i dont know if i can talk to you i if i ever see you again. you're so near, but i cant get hold of you. you're just my imagination, a pointless and endless fantasy. you are not real.. not real enough for me. you're just another supranee.

2010-01-16T14:22:00.002+08:00

today i saw a happy ah ma boarding the bus. unsure why, i just feel so happy to see that smile. a smile can really make my day. and first week of school was just like any other day. just that we have our new classmates and new teachers. am i so fortunate to even be here studying with them? why didnt i retain like the rest? why am i so fortunate to be here in Singapore? sometimes, i feel that i dont deserve all these. God has truely been so gracious to me. giving me, giving us more than what we need. and im just so scared of this year. soon common test will start, then mid-year, then A levels. after that uni will come. time has seriously passed so fast. i dont want to think about it. all can i do now is to study really hard and put all into God's hand. discipline is what i need.

2010-01-08T22:21:00.008+08:00

"charrrlieeee..... charrrlieeee..... charrrlieee...." ughh.. irritating noise.. irritating video.. [just type "charlie the unicorn" on youtube.com..] gosh!! my sister has been playing this video and made me watched it. it's like south park, but it's much more irritating.. i could seriously throw her laptop away. shut up!

anyway, trip to sarawak was fruitful. if it wasn't for the undone homework and A levels this year, maybe i would be more excited when i was leaving for it. anyway, i so did not regret going for it. (: although i got a lot of mosquito bites.. and maybe other kind of bites.. and im still itching till now. ): oh! and im peeling too!!. i think it was the sunburn that i got from netball training. /: okay *scratch,scratch* seriously, seriously, seriously, i need to get some special cream from the doctor to stop my itching. cause i know i'll scratch till it bleeds.. ):

anyway, holidays are ending soon.. and i spent most of my holiday travelling. and whenever i got back from my trip, i'll be so tired and restless. ): well, because of my undone homework, i cant slack. not to mention the econs test that im going to have. goodness. how am i going to pass that test?. ): *scratch,scratch* i gotta stop scratching man!. ): and somehow im quite excited about school. so that i can end A levels soon and live my life like phineas and ferb. woo!

hahaha.. the rest of the pictures are in fb. (x

2010-01-01T13:21:00.003+08:00

apparently, people still read my blog. and because they dont tag, i thought no one reads it!. haha. funny.

well, today's the first day of the year 2010. quite sad that 2009 is over. yet, it's also a new beginning for all of us. (: hopefully, 2010 will be a better year. i guess many say this every year. maybe they dont make the effort to make it a better year, but to bitch about everything single thing that doesnt goes right in their life.

i know this year will be super tough for many of the jc2s and for me as well. and i have yet to make my decision whether to promote or retain. there's are many 'what if 's. because i dont want to make a wrong turn. though i've promoted. i feel that i cant make it cause according to data, avg a level results is 50 plus points for those who are in my category. but someone said that maybe i could be different. do i have to accept it? it's just numbers. it's the effort that counts. consistent effort. but do i have the energy to do it for 10 months? and thing is, i serisously have no idea what in the world the econs teachers are trying to teach me. it seem so foreign to me. should i retain and change my subject combi? or promote and suffer econs for 10 months? and then again, what if i have to take a levels again? wouldnt it be taking econs for another 10 more months?. just what if my results arent good enough to get into a U in Singapore? i cant repeat jc. do i have to go private? or maybe overseas to study? and what if i can retain? though it seems normal for people in sr to retain. but to me, it isnt. sometimes, i feel that the schools that i went to, pl sec, pl pri, it just seems as if it's not okay to retain. it's a disgrace. and in my family. i feel like the worse. not being able to match up to any of my sisters. yet again, someone said that the number of years that we take to study are just numbers. they dont mean anything actually. so what if you retain? come to think of it, maybe it's to help us survive out there. maybe it's for the better. and someone also said that retaining is like trading one year of your life for a better future. i felt super encouraged. but i still cant make up my decision. well, the letter is already sent in. and all i can do is to wait for God's answer. i really hope that He'll help me. maybe He has already answered my prayer, but maybe im too strongheaded to believe it's from Him. and maybe i just need one more, just one more comfirmation that He wants me to promote. and i shall not let my thoughts run wild. cause it drains my energy and keeps my mind of things that i want to do and i need to do. [ i still cant believe i've been dragging this for a very long time. ]

anw, sherlocks holmes was rather confusing. /: but i want to be as crazy and as smart as him.
and 2912? is awesome. relived those times. i really miss them. but it's never goodbye. (: and ytd was awesome too. but not as awesome as AVATAR!!. hahaa.

and im going to sarawak tml. and i have yet to pack my bag. ughh~ i have no idea why i signed up for it. well, im going to be super smelly and sticky.. hopefully not. (:

CHEERS TO A WONDERFUL YEAR AHEAD! AND THE WORLD ISNT GOING TO END ON 2012! IT'S RUBBISH I'D SAY.

Can you hear me cry out to you?

Words I thought I'd choke on figure out.

I'm really not so with you any more.

I'm just a ghost, so I can't hurt you anymore,

So I can't hurt you anymore.

2009-12-27T00:39:00.004+08:00

GO AWAY ARNOLD LEE WAI TONG!. GO AND DO YOUR CHEMISTRY! AND STUDY.... SOME STUFF!. and maybe sit at home and draw circles.. and be sad that i didnt called you to watch AVATAR!!! WAHAHAH!! (x
kay lah.. next call you out kay?. hehe.

man.. i gotta do my homework too!. ):
and Arnold, remember to GO AWAY!.

AVATAR WAS AWESOMMMMMMEEEE!!! (x

2009-12-26T13:25:00.002+08:00

happiness? i've always known that material items will only bring temporary happiness. but i've never felt it before until 2 days ago. happiness in bangkok vs happiness in hcm. these people can live such a simple life without much, yet they seem happier than we are. and i definitely felt very happy when was there. much happier than buying all those material items. and it's because material items can only bring temporary happiness, we tend to want more, so that we can maintain that kind of happiness. money isnt everything. cause it cant buy happiness. but only temporary ones. and happiness starts with you.

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

i like this video, but i cant embed./:
here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqJsBRFdrA0

i've got load of homework to do. and still troubled about next year.

2009-12-20T23:50:00.005+08:00

know i cant stop laughing at certain things that are happening to you. and that used to happen to me. and i would advise you to stop but then again, will you listen? doubt so. so i'll just leave it as it. :) such foolish and immature mentality. glad im over it. :) hopefully you will soon.. like seriously. cause it aint gonna do you any good. it's okay. you'll grow out of it soon. :)

well tomorrow, i'll be flying off to thailand and will be missing christmas in Singapore. :/ that's sad actually. and i serisously do not have time this dec cause i keep going overseas and though the homework isnt a lot, i find it so difficult to accomplish it. plus the many revisions that i feel i need to do before 2010 starts. plus!! i'll be going overseas again on 2nd jan. :( sorry pea. :( arghh. and i still wanna be a OGL?. haha. i must be joking. though i may not join in the fun next year with the jc1s, at least i know where my priority lies. :) cause seriously, i cant catch up with time.

oh i wish i was in Vietnam now. the kids there dont wear glasses. guess why. :) though the condition there isnt as clean or advanced like Singapore, the poeple there seem happier than we are. are we too demanding? not contented with what we have? just because we have a higher purchasing power, that does that mean we can waste resources just like that? i feel they are selfless people and always welcoming people to their homeland. sometimes, i wish i wasnt born in Singapore. life wouldnt be so stressful with all the hard core muggers around to compete with. plus i dont have to deal with ks people. :) i imgaine life in Vietnam where people would smile and greet you even though they dont know you. they would welcome you warmly into their house and not chase you away like some S do. though conditions may not be as good and they maybe stuck in their poverty cycle, if i was given a choice, maybe, just maybe i would choose V. the rural area, not city. the city is too chaotic.

well, my experience in V. :) i dont mind going there again, i must say. :)

and true enough, i agree to a large extent that blogger does makes you selfish. almost everything's about you, you and you. in addition, it is also very time consuming. :/ that's strike two. well, actually it really depends on the author; on what the author writes about and stuff. well and im not saying that im not selfish. i am sometimes, just because i want to vent my anger on somethings. :) okay. if i go on any futher, this post might become an essay. so cheers to all!

MERRY CHRISTMAS IN ADVANCE!

2009-12-16T22:55:00.004+08:00

what happens when she has taken up 3 jobs? what happens when she doesnt have the patience to hear all your troubles and whines like how she used to? simple. she uses the fastest and easiest, yet the most harsh way to end it. feels like im losing everything, all at the same time. how hurtful can it be?

to one of the things that i'm losing: a pointless and endless fantasy, i must say. what's the point of hanging on when you know it aint gonna work? but why is it so hard to let go? but it takes time.. it takes time. gosh..

But here I am again
With nothing left inside
Know I don't wanna
But I gotta let you go

2009-11-28T20:47:00.005+08:00

dec is coming soon. im so not excited for the first time. because next year is really going to be really tough. and i dont know if i can take the stress next year. and i really wonder how the jc2s made it. and im still deciding if i want to retain or not. ughh~ i hate making this kind of decision. and one thing for sure is that im missing giraffe.. so badly. ): i hate it.

anw, this year has passed really fast. it feels as if it was only yesterday that i've received my o levels results. maybe it's because i want to start all over again. to do jc1 again without any regrets. but then again, if i did it another way, i might not have met giraffe. and i might not have done a lot of crazy stuff. but yet again, i might have succeed in so many other ways. but i'll never know. guess i'll just have to live where i am now. and not think about what i could have done. instead i should be working hard now and get ready for next year. im just so worried. and i really wonder the jc2s done it. it just seem so hard.

and one more thing. my laptop was spoilt. though it's repaired, all my data's gone. somehow, it seems like something's telling me that i have to leave certain things. and it's like a new beginning. yeah. it's tough but i will be strong.

oh yes. i have to train really hard if i wanna reach my goal of 9mins plusplusplus. plus i have to study really hard. and im so determined to achieve top for math! woo!

"So bottle up old love, and throw it out to sea
Watch it away as you cry
Now a year has passed
The seasons go

Please just don't play with me
My paper heart will bleed
This wait for destiny won't do
Be with me, please, I beseech you
Simple things, that make you run away
Catch you if I can"

-i want to know you more-

2009-10-10T22:03:00.003+08:00

i wanna start it over
i wanna start again
i want a new beginning
one without an end

i feel it inside
calling out to me

it's a voice that whispers my name
it's a kiss withoutwithout any shame
something beautiful, yeah, yeah

like a song that stirs in my head
singing love will take us where
something's beautifu;

i've heard it in the silence
seen it on a face
i've felt it in a long hour
like a sweet embrace

i know this is true
it's calling out to me

it's a voice that whispers my name
it's a kiss without any shame
something beautiful, yeah, yeah

like a song that stirs in my head
singing love will take us where
something's beautiful

it's the child on her wedding day
it's the daddy that gives her away
sometihns beautiful, yeah, yeah

when we laugh so hard, we cry
oh, the love between you and i
sometihng beautiful

it's a voice that whispers my name
it's a kiss without any shame
soemtihng beautiful, yeah, yeah

like a song that stirs in my head
singing love will take us where
something's beautiful

it's the child on her wedding day
it's the daddy that gives her away
something beautiful

when we laugh so hard, we cry
yes, the love between you and i
something beautiful
something beautiful

prison break marathon!
anw,adfnakjnfvlakjsnfkahdfakj

2009-10-07T19:57:00.003+08:00

it's been super long since i blogged. and i would have forgotten my password. lucky all my passwords are the same. haha.. come to think of it, i think i should use different passwords. (x
and promos just ended. just celebrated my freedom yesterday at sentosa with a bunch of people. havent been this crazy since.. i cant even rmb when.
for the past few months, everyday felt the same. i dont think i even bothered to know what day it was. i just couldnt wait for weekends to come and for promos to end. but then again, next year will be another round of it. just worse. and before next year, there's still pw op and chinese alevels. i just took chinese o levels last year!!. i seriously need to buck up for chinese. who would want to take chinese next year again. such a waste of time and money. but that's just plain words.

so here's the plan.
as much as i hate chinese, i'll listen to chinese music. as much i hate chinese, i'll watch chinese tv shows, without eng subs. as much as i must struggle, i'll READ chinese.(even if it means taking one whole day to read a page or two) what a struggle. so, to make things easier.. I WILL LOVE CHINESE!. save me!!

alrights. just glad that im finally able to take a breather. back to pw-ing and chinese-ing. cheers!(x

btw, i think being a nerd is cool. so blogger.. ain't much of my thing anymore. (but i'll still come back hahahaha)

2009-08-08T23:49:00.000+08:00

This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done

anw, blogger doesnt seems happy with me.. hmm :/
and i shall not care.. i have better things to care about. heh. (x

2009-07-16T22:11:00.003+08:00

tell me how?.

i kinda hate my laptop. firstly, it's heavy, so i dread bring it to school. secondly, i waste lots of time on my com. doing what? i have no freakin idea. and everytime i need to do sth, i tend to drift off to doing other things like now. okay. i shall just face paper and black ink for the moment.

anw, i need to rant about a lot of things. but i just cant seem to tell you. ):

back to homework and study.

2009-07-12T13:19:00.003+08:00

current situation

do you feel tired? yes, i do feel tired mentally and physically. but not giving up right here, right not. no, it's just the beginning. right now, my lists is full. i've wasted far too much time. now, i should not think that im studying as hard as others, cause inside, i know im not. and wasting my time thnking that life's unfair? why not just studying?. life is unfair, we all know that. then why complain? nothing's gonna change afterall. i've been the pushee, now i guess you're right. i have to be the pusher if i want them to change their attitude, their mindset. but it gets tiring after some time. please know it yourself. everytime we wanna get sth done, it nv gets done fully. why? i should just focus on my goal. but i wanna help you too. please help me to help you. it's very tiring. i just dont understand why. if you dont understand, just know that im talking to my brain.

current affairs

odac's ubin cycling keeps postponing. no odac training. i feel fat. yet, im losing weight cause im sick. but now, at least i can eat. and i will feel like vomitting again. and i have to do my gp hw. cause i dont wanna leave it to the last min again. and worry like shit and sleeping late cause i have to finish it or else im dead. okay.. other homework are waiting in line. i will finish them. then moving on to the next column, studying. i need it.

right now, i feel my life is so dull and so i need dull songs. but i seem to like it. (x

2009-06-23T23:12:00.003+08:00

im so sick and tired of studying. maybe that's why im trying to find excuses once again to do other unimportant things. and maybe that's why i keep sleeping and im getting more and more tired each day. maybe i should stop going to school till school reopens. anw, i have ulcer because of scuba diving. maybe that's why i dislike it. but i still got my cert for scuba. and im so unhealthy. and i havent been doing much lately. so many undone homework, so many things i need to do. and others are at ASPIRE camp now. and i wanna sleep again. dang it. ): and i wanna see you. and i wanna rant about something. but i dont think it's appropriate here. so ask me if you wanna know. and the weather is getting damn freaking hotter each day. and there's like so many ants in my house. and i seriously, seriously want to have my own room so i can paste my stuff on empty walls and not having things to come in my way. it's time to clear my own table. and i wanna watch transformer and harry potter and many others. and i wanna sleep. but i need to study since i slept the whole day. and my mouth hurts. and i wanna scream and ...

the list just goes on and on and i just wanna repeat some things again and again..

2009-06-08T18:45:00.002+08:00

heyhey quick post.. i feel so cut off from the world and i havent been using my com for days.. so i missed church's practice on saturday. and serisouly, with pw around, there's no life. my world revolves around pw and school and ccas. and.. yeah.. and cant wait for next training which i know will be tough. yaye!. okay. and i serisously need to focus now!. stop procrastinating!. and serisously need mrs ong's encouragement and yeah.. dont wanna type le. (x

2009-05-31T17:25:00.002+08:00

"ps.. i cant go, have to do gpp and eom with two same height and weight girls"
and this is what gay brother said.. apparently, he sent to the wrong person- me. and dionne and i were the two same height and weight girls. zzzz~ anw, pack my room= a lot of dust = flu/ red eyes= messy room cause half blind and giddy= sleep. hee!(x and i feel fat. so.. need to EXERCISE!. MUAH! oh and the weather is so HOT that i feel like melting everytime i go out. seriously drained all my energy. oh and something that i remembered from my secondary school days- my teacher once said : "dont think that you're working very hard, cause there are others who are working harder than you" yeah~ she's right. i should stop comparing and just work hard!. so shut up!. (x

direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me

-Psalm 119:133-

2009-05-27T22:02:00.008+08:00

so cute! not gay brother, but the dog. anw, wanted to post this like long time ago. but was lazy to transfer this and that and blahblahblah.. (x

and this is the day i went out with dionne on my birthday!.. love you!. weee~ and gay brother came later.. and was late.. still, love them both!. (x

thanks guys!.

anw, pw-ing this week. and one thing i really wanna do is to play basketball again. hee(x sadly, everyone's busy with pw and ccas.

i take my words back. so much for your great talk.

2009-05-23T19:58:00.005+08:00

HE'S SO CUTE!.

NEW SEASON OF PRISON BREAK!!. AND IT'S THE LAST SEASON!!. I WANNA WATCH!!!.. AHHH!!!!

but i dont think i have the time to watch it though.. dang it!!.

nevertheless.. PRISON BREAK IS HERE AGAIN!!!. (X

2009-05-23T00:05:00.005+08:00

midyears are over! and i feel really weird not studying.. hmm.. alrights. anw, failed to hibernate. and tml.. i still have to do math.. to get my extra allowance.. but at least i dont have to rush through tutorials now. (x heh!. alrights.. and i feel that something is wrong with me. hmm..

anw, miss those 2 people.. and i still cant believe my red watch broke. i wanna buy a new one but now the adidas watches isnt that nice anymore. ):

-please assure me that my choice will be right and it's what you want of me.

2009-05-17T21:32:00.003+08:00

no motivation to study anymore.. my energy had died down.. for the past two days, i seem to do things that i shouldnt be doing. im just finding excuse to escape from studying.. like now. how i wish i could just do nth for a few days. i just want a break. am i asking too much?

this sucks.. now leave~

2009-05-09T00:14:00.003+08:00

im currently sick.. ytd had a high fever.. at least now the temp is lower now.. (x oh and i serisously cant talk.. and whenever i cough, it's like... ughh, heart pain.. yeah and i kinda slept the whole day today. yeah.. so right now.. i cant sleep.

ohoh and my class FINALLY got our pw groupings.. and i think my group is like one of the best.. hahaha.. [except for the gay.. just kidding.. (x ] and it's such a coincidence that the initials of our names made up to be ABCDE. haha..

okay.. i'd better sleep now[at least try to].. or else tml i wont have the energy to do math[which i plan to do the whole day] heh!.(x

2009-05-01T11:41:00.003+08:00

it's may. i should stop doing rubbishy things alr. and i cant understand econs. my brain shuts down everytime i see the word elasticity. or anything to do with it. should have taken geog right?

anw, 2 MORE WEEKS LEFT TO MID YEARS!!(around there lah, huh.)

off to studying!. and pw-ing~ /:

Did You rise the sun for me?

Or paint a million stars that i might know Your majesty?

Is Your voice upon the wind?

Is everything i've known made marked with my Maker's fingerprint?

2009-04-24T19:49:00.004+08:00

midyears are coming soooonn/ so is my birthday!!!.. exactly in one month's time. weeee! (x yet, not so 'weeeee'.. things to do: pass up PI next week/ study chem, math, phy and econs/ find ways to stay up during lectures, tutorials and even at home/ hide in my room during study break/ runrunrunrunrunrun...../ erase you from my memory/ hibernate~

and im sorry if i've been super rude and moody.. nothing just seems right.. for now.

i have made You too small in my eyes

O Lord, forgive me.

2009-04-18T19:13:00.003+08:00

i just love the weekends.. at least i can relax a bit.. A BIT ONLY. haha.. (x yet again, weekends also means that i have one week less to study for my midyear. and haiz.. sianzz man. need to catch up a lot on math, chem, econs and phys.. which are my 4 main subjects. haha.. just gotta use my time wisely. which i am but not wise enough.. hahaha.. alrights.. i need to talk rubbish to make myself happy lah.. that's why it's very crappy. (x alrights.. anw, scuba was fun today. [lost my fav green hair tie in the swimming pool :( ] missed GP test cause of it. taking coming tues which means i have to stay back on tuesday.. whcih means i have lesser time to study for phys. oh.. and complains about pw.. hmm still complaining about the time spent on it.. butbut.. it was worth it. (x but still.. haiz. it's gonna last for the whole year. damn.

show me how to love like You have loved me.

2009-04-09T21:32:00.003+08:00

i realised the change..

for the past.. 2 months?.. i realiesd that SRJC is so different from PL. it was quite difficult to adjust in such a new environment.. i used to listen to His word every morning. but now it's like different. assembly is like.. huh? it's over?. and it seems as though it's not comfortable to talk about Him to my friends. yeah anw, not only that has changed. but also the stress level. im having my mid-year exam somewhere next month, yet im still busy trying to finish up my hw. it feels as though im having my olevels every single day.. just that i do not have enough sleep now. and.. do you think im skinnier? compared to last year or later?. im asking this cause someone told me that ive become skinnier and when i took my weight, there's no change.. /: but when i look at my arms i feel like.. gosh, where's your muscles?. and when i look at my legs.. gosh, too much muscles.. haha.. must be the 4km run that we run during almost EVERY single pe lessons. and im lagging behind for math.. err... side track a bit.. WHO WANTS MATH TUITION?!. there's limited spaces only!!.. anw, i need to do my hw and study for econs... ughh~ now.. )x

hey lovely~

2009-04-05T11:58:00.002+08:00

this week has killed my sleep cause of pw. oh.. how much i hate pw.. and, because of the lack of sleep. i hibernatefor 17 hours from 2pm ytd till today. haha!. (x okay. anw, weekends ends very quickly. so the very tiring process starts all over again. especially when there's tests and stupid pw now.
anwanwanw, friday i went back to school with the netballers to help out with the sec1 induction camp.(we missed it last year because my batch keeps winning!! haha!) night walk was the best. seeing them suffering and discouraging them was damn good. sort of like a warning to them. haha.. bet they hate us now. but it does help them mentally (the discouraging part). cause it helped me. (x
anw, miss you guyss so much!!.. but it seems like we're getting busier as the days pass.. haiz.. anw, there 29123! see you guys then!.

"Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."
-Hebrews 12:10-12-

2009-03-27T21:11:00.002+08:00

what's wrong with my week?. seems like im not used to studying continuously ever since the holidays. i drag lectures and tutorials. maybe it's because of the lessons that i missed. cause seriously, i dont understand much. lucky i have my mum. so math is settled. what about the rest? suppose to have extra econs lessons tml. but i have ODAC!. then all the comlicated things comes in again. this is what you get from missing lessons and going to thailand to enjoy yourself.. it kills~and because im not used to studying constantly and i feel tired almost everyday, i tend to procratinate a lot. that's why i have many undone homework.. plus PW?!. ughh~..
and seriously, ODAC's taking a lot of my time. and i really really need to use my time wisely, like now, im wasting it!. haha!. oh and i really feel that im choosing ODAC over you guys.. you should know who. sorry!(x

2009-03-21T21:00:00.003+08:00

and im back from night cycling.. funfunfun!. plus butt aches. and my skin is peeling. oh man.. will have ugly face for a few days i guess.. anw, i feel so fit lah! (x okayokay.. shall do some hw soon.. haha.. have been saying that for the past 2 hours. haha.. stop procastinating! (x oh and i seriously need to brush up on my chinese.. i realised lots of people in sr like to speak chinese. and i'll feel so left out if i dont understand what they're talking about. ughh~ chinese just seems so foreign to me.

and oh man, you're so cute.

2009-03-17T20:28:00.008+08:00

i came back from thailand today. and i love phuket. such a beautiful place. and there's such friendly people. (x though i cant do much other than going to the beach and get sunburn and going to the temple market.. went to bankok too. shop till my leg hurts. haha.. anw, the pictures i have are only pictures of phuket and they're actually from the internet. yesyes.. have camera.. but again.. i hate the process of transfering all the pictures in the cam to the com and then uploading everything which is going to take a lot of time. so troublesome.. so too bad. haha.. okay. anw, as you can see the pictures up there.. yup i stayed at sugar palm and that's the hotel cool right?. [you get what i mean alr, pea?] the sliding door is just outside the swimming pool. so i dont have to walk all the way to the swimming pool, but i can just open up the small gate and jump!. [not] (x okay and im burned.. real badly. cause im red. /:

and there's many other activites waiting for me this week. plus i hate to swim cause i dont have the stamina and i cant even swim half a lap. so i guess im gonna die [or other words, sink] for the swim test. haizz.... hate swimming.. /: just cant wait for the night cycling.. ahhh!!. odac's seems so fun and hopefully, it'll stay that way. heh!. (x

2009-03-12T22:12:00.004+08:00

i feel so happy and satisfied. firstly, i've got an A for both math and chem!. okay and i cant wait to tell isaac when he comes online. [i.e. about the good news for chem only. it would be so irrelevent to tell him about math. hahaha..(x ] hah!!. (x secondly, i've ran [not really, more of walking.. after the 1st 10 levels] up a HDB flat of 18 storeys (spell?) 4 times!!!.. which is equivalent to 72 storey!!. with 16 steps from one level to another, do your math and tell me how many steps i've climbed. (x okay. other than that, im so glad that i've joined ODAC. [not regretting.. hopefully] cause almost every training, i feel so high cause of the funny and weird people in ODAC!. which makes the training more enjoyable rather than tiring. yay!. and hopefully i will be more open and be more high with these weird and funny people, but hopefully not to be weird. hahaha!. (x

okay. anw, tml i wont be in school cause im going to thailand for holiday which was booked super long ago. and im kinda frustrated cause during the march holidays, there will be extra lessons and it's only on mon and tues and im coming back on tues!!. so i'll be missing a lot of lessons.. like math, econs, phy test!!!. chem~ ): anw, i will not let this spoil my trip to thailand. otherwise i might as well not go right?. but seriously, i'd rather not go. but since everything has been planned and stuff.. i shall shut up and pack my bag now. but then again, if i look on the positive side, i can finally watch tv!!! yay!! and can finally go shopping and buy my new converse shoe [ for those of you who noticed, my shoe is super dirty cause i bought it in sec3 and i didnt wash it cause i felt it was so useless since im gonna dirty it again. (x ] and my feet is small so hopefully thailand people have small feet. hahaha!(x

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win, you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to
will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

hey lovely~

2009-03-06T20:36:00.005+08:00

i feel so free today. firstly, cause i've finished all my hw except chinese that i'll die doing.. cause my tuition teacher isnt free to help me with it. secondly, i didnt have ODAC training.. ): this week have no training. ): yep so which means i had time to do the A' level math book. and i've finally finished binomal. and APGP is so foreign to me.. ): hate it. plus trigo is so irritating. ): anw im starting to stuggle with chem.. finding the empirical and molecular formula is a brain-killer. okay. and i have econs lecture test on thurs. havent study yet. JC life seems so busy, yet i enjoy it. (x oh and im sick. most likely cause i didnt get enough sleep and enough food and cause of the ODAC camp. heh. (:

oh and today's the release of the A level results. seriously wonder how it would be like when it's my turn... scary.. and i got my locker.. sad cause my locker's at the 2nd lowest row, which means i have to bend down and get my things and stuff.. /:

okay.. im excited for next week to start, yet not so. /: i know.. im confusing. (x

"We must believe and ACT because even the demons believe and shudder (James 2:19). What differentiates us from the demons is that we act upon our faith. If we do not, how different are we from them?"
-this really stands out when i was reading the YASG's blog.

yep. there's many things i wanna thank Him for.

2009-03-01T13:26:00.004+08:00

1st of march. cant believe feb is over. seriously, time pass super fast this year.

anw, just came back from ODAC camp. it was super fun! super tiring! and my back is aching so badly that when i breathe deeply, it hurts. not only that, my legs are starting to ache too.. was still fine ytd. maybe need more time to respond to the tiredness. haha. (x ohohoh.. and my shoulders are like super stiff now cause we had to carry our bags throughout the journey. but lucky have ben to help. thanks!.[though i know you wont see this] (x anw, i wanna go again.. but maybe after i trained up my fitness first lah, huh. (x

and because of ODAC, i seriously need to find time to study and do my homework. and i realised that i havent been watching tv for the past week!!. sad right?. but i've got better things to do. (x alrights. hopefully i wont regret joining ODAC. gonna do some homework first. yay!(x

ODAC's fun!

2009-02-22T15:17:00.004+08:00

isaac's gone. i feel super sad..

2009-02-15T15:47:00.003+08:00

i realised that a lot of people are using 'superhero' as their nick or nicknames.. which make 'superhero' uncool and not original. 'it aint cool no more' time to find a new name. [other than stone and fats, that is.] urghh!. oh and like i've mentioned in the previous post. i'll be going for some crazy exercise.. [actually, it's training..] on monday. '.. and feel the pain..' when i heard it, i felt it. and im freaking scared. and for wed.. another round of it. only difference is the cca. and i have many trails.. haha.. [i signed up for almost everything during the cca fair. so ppl are calling me to go for their trails.. and they keep clashing. which leads to decision making which i hate a lot. ): <]

alrights, lesson's starting, isaac's leaving, chem and phy teacher is needed, going for cca trails, watching out for you, busybusybusy, church camp sssoooooonnnn~ and im happy cause i 've finally bought.. "FIREPROOF"!! okay and i need to save money to buy "FACING THE GIANTS"! it's a really cool show, and if you havent watched it yet.. GO!. and gonna watch fireproof now. (x

O Mighty Cross Love lifted high
The Lord of Life raised there to die
His Sacrifice on Calvary has made the mighty cross
A tree of life to me

O Mighty Cross what Throne of Grace
He knew no sin yet took my place
His Sacrifice on Calvary has made the mighty cross
A tree of life to me

O Mighty Cross O Christ so pure
Love held Him there such shame endured
His Sacrifice on Calvary has made the mighty cross
A tree of life to me

O Mighty Cross my soul's release!
The stripes He bore have brought me peace
His Sacrifice on Calvary has made the mighty cross
A tree of life to me

my ears bleed everytime you curse.

2009-02-13T20:56:00.003+08:00

2 weeks of school has ended.. means orientation is over!!!.. and my classes are starting next week. and i have trails again.. and i just had one just now. for rock climbing, i felt my energy was being drained~ and it's just warm up.. wah.. thinking back.. how did i survived netball trainings? plus all those killer punishments?.. anw, 7 years of netball.. so i guess im not gonna join netball again.. anw, heard that SR's netball was kinda lousy.. Ahaha.. so im still deciding between odac and rock climbing.. oh and for odac,we played water wacko. so instead of that.. stick thingy, we used water.. and my butt was wet.. /: anw, didnt went for the PT for odac.. so lucky.. butbutbut, inorder to get into odac, i'll have to take a physical test on wed.. and on that same day, there's rock climbing at yishun.. and there's also s*star.. but i guess im not going for it lah.. since i've alr made up my mind to join either odac or rock climbing.. (x yep. and i have about 1 week to make up my mind.. and i seriously dont know what to choose.. ): odac or rock climbing? tsktsktsk..

anw, lectures and tuitorial are gonna start soon!!.. and even during the introductory lectures, i couldnt catch up.. thank God i have my mum to teach me math.. (x heh! but for the rest? i just have to study haaaaarrrrrddddddd~ anw, i wanna talk about my classmates, but im lazy. (x and im super tired. thanks to RC. and THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY.. seriously.. but even if it's a friday or not, i need to get use to this JC life.. /:

andandand i didnt went for the surgery today.. hahah.. so my next appointment is in May [if i want it to be on a friday, it has to be in May, otherwise i'll have to do it on a mon, which means i'll get 8 days mc... =i'll miss lessons.. ): ]

okay.. i need to pack my filthy room.. no lah, my table is just messy cause need to buy all the lecture notes and tuitorial notes.. and stuff.. /: so expensive leh.. ):

ps: i feel so reluctant to blog.. cause if i do, the 'facing the giants' will be gone.. sad.. maybe i'll post it again anoter time. (x

2009-02-03T21:44:00.002+08:00

it's heartbreaking knowing what i know. but knowing it at the last minute would hurt even more. and many questions keep appearing in my head. questioning myself why. fears. fearing some things wouldnt work out. i guess all i could do now is to trust in THE ONE. trusting that He will help me through. trusting in the Father. yet, i find it so difficult. and now, everything doesnt seems right. Lord, please help me.

2009-02-01T21:42:00.004+08:00

hello all! i'll be starting my first day of school tml. and im so excited and scared at the same time. (x. and so i'd better sleep early. and.. im super happy today. and somehow, i think im crazy again.(x hahaha. anw, i cant believe i've alr finished olevels. looking back.. ohmy!. study like siao!. just for olevels. OLEVELS ONLY LEH!. imgaine alevels. *screams* and i believe i can do it with God's help!. okay i'd better check if i got everything ready. dont wanna be late for the first day of school, yeah? haha!(x

and since my school starts tml, im so gonna train myself not to use the com so often!. and that i should do something more.. hmm.. what's that word? ahahaha!

2009-01-28T22:50:00.002+08:00

okay. my post here is to show that im a really weird, freaky person. i love these kind of things.

you know, these kind of things.. like sweetney tod. and i like my chemical romance. and their songs are mostly talking about deaths and deadly stuff.. i think it's a bad thing liking these things. it contradicts what i believe. yeah? er.. i dont know what to say lah.. just felt like revealing one ugly part of me. and i shall add one more thing. (x

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
we ask ourselves "who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?"
actually, who are you not to be?
we were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
and as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give othe people permission to do the same.

"i looked into 15 pairs of eyes, but my day doesnt begins till i met yours"
-the secret-

2009-01-25T21:20:00.004+08:00

i feel so happy! (x and kinda sian at the same time.
anw, school's starting soon~ and im still in my holiday mood.. sleeping very late, being lazy every single day[do you know it's more tiring than going to school? hahaha(x ] okay i feel like doing some art... things.. now... heh! (x

I believe you are the answer to every tear I’ve cried
I believe that you are with me,
My rising and my light.

Give me strength when I am weary
Give me hope when I can’t see
Through the crosses I must carry
Lord, bind my heart to thee

That when all my days are over
and all my chores are done,
I may see your risen Glory
Forever where You are.

the answer by corrinne may.
“As for God, His way is perfect.”
-psalm 18:30

ps: if you cant read what's on my tagboard, im actually asking for HELP! i want to change my font and idk how. and it's irritatingly unreadable!(x

2009-01-22T12:13:00.005+08:00

just a random thought.. what if one day i were to find out that my lower part of my body had been paralyzed? it'll be very scary for me. feeling that i've become useless, a burden to everyone around me, knowing that i'll never play sports again, walking on my own is impossible.. i'll have to rely on the people around me. it's one scary truth.

that thought came to me when i was watching true courage. about a man who plays for Singapore and one day, he falls and never able to feel his limbs again. he could only move his neck, turning his head away from others. how sad it is to know that one day, you realized that you cant do the things you love anymore. but then again, maybe God has other plans for you.. it's so difficult, you know.. and again, i just need to strengthen my faith in Him.

anw, school's gonna start soon and i know that i'll end up in srjc. and im so not ready to start jc. it's like a whole new environment to me, esp when i've been in a all girls school since p1. it feels so difficult to adapt. it feel so scary. /: anw, i think i need to be reminded everyday that i need to study if i wanna be one of the top.(x oh and recently, i had a dream. what if i've been accepted into sajc?! how!? haha.. i dont feel like going to sajc anymore. then if i reject sajc? haha.. funny. but it wouldnt happen right?. hah!. (x

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have call you by your name; you are Mine.

-isaish 43:1

2009-01-17T18:01:00.002+08:00

my church made this video but i wasnt there to watch it.. haha.. funnyfunny!. (x

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to it's light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God

2009-01-14T21:42:00.005+08:00

i love this song and movie!. thanks isaac for lending me the movie. i think im gonna.. okay. not safe to type here. (: when i first watched the movie, i was so inspired and how amazing it was that God had done a miracle through them. and how amazing it was that the team had accepted God. God does amazing things and im proud to call Him Father.

okay anw, i actually posted something.. about how depressed i was.. but i decided that i should delete everything. cause i was kinda contradicting myself.. and also doubting Him. i shouldnt. although i feel upset 'bout my results, i think that God wanted me to have this as maybe reults arent important. and that i should look at other things. i know that whatever school i go to, i'll still be able to do well. thanks isaac.. again. (x and i've told many people that i have no future, cause i seriously cant see myself anywhere in the future. i know that i like to do many things. and i also want to experiment many things. so i guess i wont be having like a steady job in the future. sad. maybe i'll change my mind.. i trust in God.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
-jeremiah 29:11-

i dont wanna be afraid. i wanna step out of my comfort zone.
'well, in God's words, He said 365 different times "do not fear." if He says it that many times, you know He's serious about it.'
-facing the giants-

2009-01-08T22:07:00.005+08:00

went to marina barrage to celebrate viv's birthday. seriously, i didnt know that place existed. it was super windy and most of us have long hair, so it's kinda mafan. hahah. (x

i fell in love with this song: 'On The Side of Me' By Corrinne May

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you

I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth

'Cause you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you...

Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

2009-01-07T19:32:00.003+08:00

im currently helping the childcare that is just outside my house.. which is also the same place where i go for church. (x anw, being those kids reminded me of myself of how playful i was, how childish i was["i dont friend you alr.." haha familiar??] im also reminded of how lazy i was. all i wanted to do was to play and not study. but now, i realised the importance of studying, of how it could affect my future. then when i look at those children, how i want to tell them the importance of studying... but at their age, i bet they wouldnt care. cause they know that they'll have their parents to rely on. but look at those children who cant even afford education, they are so keen to learn though they do not have proper materials to study with. i guess we're just spoilt.

anw, my mum said that she bought me a frying pan. the small one used to fry eggs.. haha.. so funny and weird. so it's funnily weird. hahah. and another thing. friends have been telling me that O results will be out on monday. okay. it's so exciting and scary. it's like i wanna know what i'll get yet, i dont. maybe i only want to know the good news. but if i only knew the good news, i'll know that i didnt do well for the other subjects. tsk.. so this leads on to not wanting to know anything. /: it feels so difficult to move on. ):

2008-12-31T17:36:00.001+08:00

found it, post it. (x

There is a longing only You can fill
A raging temptest only You can still
My soul is thirsty Lord
To know You as I'm known
Drink from the river
That flows before your throne

Take me deeper
Deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper
Deeper than I've ever been before
I just want to love You more and more
How I long to be deeper in love

Sunrise to sunrise
I will seek Your face
Drawn by the Spirit
To the promise of Your grace
My heart has found in You
A hope that will abide
Here in Your presence
Forever satisfied

2008-12-30T21:02:00.007+08:00

hello all!. im back from church camp and it was great.. esp the part where we got lost in pulau ubin. haha. want the whole story? ask me. i dont plan to type much anw. beside, really exhausted from the lack of sleep. plus im sick. [sleeping in air-con room + lack of sleep = flu] but it's the holidays, so it wont matter much. (x [maybe i'll type out the details another day when im not so tired.. haha. (x]
anw, i've learnt much from this camp and got to know some fellow church mates better. (x i rmb the other church camps i've been to, i didnt really cared about what the speaker had to say. i just wanted to enjoy myself. so i would say that this church camp is one of the best i've been to!.
perhaps then, i didnt really understand. but now, im glad.
there's many things i wanna type yet, i dont. perhaps im dont know how to express my feelings into words. perhaps im just lazy. hah!(x

i want to step out of my comfort zone.

cheryl: can i eat this?
me: you eat alr then you ask.. [she ah.. haiya..]

2008-12-23T18:01:00.003+08:00

i think typing everything down is too long. so im gonna write it short.
im gonna be a walking advertisement for my mum in JC, so i must do well. and she wants me to take h3 math. /: x'mas at weiying's house. great!, fun! tired... i need to go rock climbing. weikee?. out with YOU on 25dec.. cant wait. lack of sleep + sleeping in an air-con room= flu.. ): balloon sculturing~ waiting for isaac.. need to oack my room. prepare more x'mas presents.. lastly, thank you guys for all those sweet presents. love,love,love,love.

2008-12-17T22:29:00.005+08:00

today. Gloria talked about testing our faith. like if you had to choose your family or God. if you choose God, your family dies. but if you choose your family and denounce God, you get to live. but to think about it. it's actually a very difficult choice. both ways, it will hurt. and she also told us this game that she played: underground church(? cant rmb the name) said that there're many things you can learn from this game. truely, you can. i've alr learnt some things from what she said. in certain countries, you cant preach the word of God. so these Christians had to organise an underground church so that they wont be caught. some of them are actually risking their lives just to preach the word of God, as the people they preached to maybe a spy and...
however, what if there were 15 other non-christians and only one spy? will you still preach the word of God to save the 15?. what if there were only 1 non-christian and 1 spy? will you still do it?. it'll be scary for me to live in such a world and i thank God that i live in S'pore. but seriously, if such things were to happen, i wouldnt know what to do.. coward? courageous? maybe this shows that i need to strengthen my faith in God.

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

ps: i've received my EAGLES AWARD! okay im happy!x)

2008-12-09T22:40:00.003+08:00

exciting things i did for the past days(x : went for netball 'training'. slightly sprained my ankle. )x but (x training was nv like the way we played that day. next day, went for interview with jas and jia. i got rejected 3 times that day. )x this is so rubbish. i feel that im not meant to work!. so im not looking anymore. next day, went to visit mrs augustine and shane augustine. so cute and lazy!. *screams!* next day, as usual. laid back to watch PRISON BREAK! SEASON 2!. (dont be jealous). next day,training again. plus helped out in church. nv stayed up so late. it kills you the next day especially when you have rock climbing.next day, died during rock climbing course. but fun! (x happy!. got my level 1 certificate!. i can belay!. and the cert is in a card size. /: next day, STANDARD CHARTERED!. ran 21km. okay, pratically, ran 12km only, walked the rest. but proud of myself! do you dare?. next day, as usual. another day of PRISON BREAK! SEASON 2!. (dont be jealous again.) next day.. which is today. burned at sentosa. fun! but feeling hot now. (x
how exciting, right?. honestly, it's very boring. because i still have a lot of spare time to spent, yet i dont want to be too busy and tire out myself. im so troublesome. /:

and apparently, the thailand trip is either postponed or cancelled. tsk!. should have gotten that robinson job!. >:(
okay i still have manymanymanymany free days. hurry book me!. and let's do something that doesnt involved money!. maybe i should just go to some childcare and work for free. another words, do cip.

personal: and im tired of your nonsense. tired of your criticism. you dont know how hurting your words are. enough is enough. im not gonna take it anymore. seriously, i wonder how you're gonna survive outside those walls. be prepared, cause money doesnt come easily.. i guess i still gotta put up with you for the time being. tsk!. /:

rock climbing soon!. sorry no pictures. i dont like to connect the camera to the computer and wait for dont know how long to get the pictures. plus the time to upload the pictures and all. no no. i dont like to waste my time doing something so stupid. besides, i dont know how you transfer the pics from the cam to the com. and because i was hoping not to get addicted to the com during the holidays since i have so much time, i decided to spend my time watching tv. and so im kinda addicted to the tv. im addicted to PRISON BREAK! (season 1,2,3) that's bad. okay. i want to study. this is crazy. /:

2008-11-27T19:30:00.008+08:00

i find that doing nothing is much more tiring than doing something.. im just wasting my time. i should start repacking my room again; have been adding lots of junks in my room these past few days~where should i put the sword?. oh and i lost my perlini silver cross during the sec4 farewell. such a pity. )x i want another one~

2008-11-26T12:02:00.003+08:00

as usual, im as free as ever.. except the past few days.. netball this.. netball that.. complaining but still, love it.. actually, im missing netball alr.. plus all the peeps.. love those times where we had to do punishment tgh, cheering each other on, crying tgh, all those tough trainings and funny comments on you-know-who. haha.. really gonna miss those times we had tgh.. and i really regret some things that i did. ): sorry. 'you can take me out of netball, but you cant take netball out of me.' as it is said at the back of my farewell t-shirt. thank you juniors for such wonderful gifts. thank you for your hard work and effort you've put in as well. really gonna miss you guys. pray hard that cs wont kill you while you're in netball. (seriously, netball was a killer, but with the people there, it was worth suffering in cs's hands)

anw, thanks to the testi match ytd, im currently feeling all the muscleaches coming back to me. and thanks to the run around hlm.. if you saw any yellow ppl running ytd in the morning, that's us. haha. and i also lost my voice.. although i alr lost it last week, just that i made it worst. (:

another thing, i went sunntanning with wekee last sat, i think. the sun was super hot. and so we only suntan for 2hours. and we hardly get tanned. but after i played netball under the you-feel-like-melting hot sun, my face kinda burned. still can feel the heat. (:

i just had to add this..
spot the unglam pea!. haha.

2008-11-14T23:09:00.002+08:00

before o levels started, saw many ppl reading this book. even Gloria told me the summary of the story. sounds super interesting and a 'must watch' movie. trust GLORIA!. anyone wanna watch it with me? opens on the 12 of december 2oo8. (you can actually find it on the picture itself.. haha.)

updates: im going for an interview this coming monday. idk what im gonna work as. but at least i got a job,huh? $5/hr.-how pathetic. but as long as i can use my time serving others and not wasting my time at home doing nonsense; watching tv and even using the com. for the time being: suntanning plans for tml has been cancelled. and i have to go through another boring day.. this is so torturous..

oh and i've checked on the rockclimbing website thingy.. NOROCKCLIMBING COURSES THIS MONTH AVAILABLE!. sorry, man. looks like there will be no rockclimbing after all.. haiz..

2008-11-11T21:55:00.002+08:00

how cool is this? im so gonna sign up for rock climbing course!. (x
for the moment, i have nothing to do. friends have jobs. others doing what? idk. so i shall take up rock climbing course!. and please ask me out! okay.. i sound like a despo but.. i cant just stay at home and let my brain die..okay maybe i shall do some voluntary work or find some job.. /: call me! (x

ROCK CLIMBING!.

2008-11-08T00:03:00.002+08:00

FREEDOM WILL BE MINE IN 3 DAYS TIME..
although it feels like exams are over alr..
alrights.. with the exams gone, i seriously dont know what to do with the immense amount of spare time i have.. and seriously, i miss studying. sound crazy does it?. it is. haha. anw, things to do:get a job(still considering)/ROCKCLIMBING/do nonsense/ROCKCLIMBING/do nonsense.. basically, that's it. oh and lose the fats that had accumulated during the stressful moments.. haiz. gonna miss those times. anw, today i just checked my email and it was flooded.. mainly by friendster.. urgh.. anw, computers are such a waste of time. why am i even here?.

2008-08-10T22:16:00.002+08:00

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as i am
empty handed but alive in Your hands
Majesty, Majesty
forever i am changed by Your love
in the beauty of Your Majesty.

short, but such a beautiful song. a beautiful song with deep meaning to it.

2008-08-03T19:55:00.005+08:00

okay. seriously, i have not been studying then past few days. took out the books. getting ready to study.. ended up- watching tv. /: sad isnt? preapare everything alr, then didnt study.. haha!. at least i did some revision today. :D alright CLARIS you gotta start your intense revision soon!!..

anw, went to SAJC ytd. and it was so cool!. motivated to study harder so i'll be able to go to that school. though it has merlion walls. eww.. haha!. but overall, the school is super-ultra nice and big! THEY HAVE A ROCK CLIMBING WALL! okay. im so excited to graduate now.

and another thing.. i still find eliz's post damn freakin' funny. though she hasnt post for decades. haha. stil makes my day.. haha.

actually i wanted to find the video 'here in my life' but i found this instead.

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:12

2008-07-26T22:49:00.004+08:00

God really does answer prayers. (: anw, tml have church. and im kinda excited.. nono.. there's no special event going on tml, but im still excited. everytime i go back home, i'll walk past my church and just look at it. somehow, i'll get this secure feeling. really great!.

for the past 2 weeks, i've studying real hard. haha!. who would believe that?!. well, everyday is getting boring. "that's a student's life. that's your job right now." urgh and i hate this "job". well, cant wait for Os to end, yet i can wait for it to come.

Amazing love, how can it be
That You, my King, should die for me?
Amazing love, I know it's true
It's my joy to honor you
In all I do, to honor you

oh and for entertainment for today..

i forgive you. i realise i only have one unglam picture of you. so unfair.

2008-07-13T20:43:00.004+08:00

whenever you feel sad or angry, you just dont feel like doing anything. you get irritated by the people who wants you to do stuff or get help from you. you want to say 'NO' but somehow cant. 'cant they see im in a bad mood?' then later you drown yourself in books. 'hey! it's not a bad thing being moody sometimes! you can actually study!' but you're just trying to move your focus on something else so that they wont know that im angry or pissed. irony, isit?

and there are times when others try to irritate you. why? do you want to be hated? yes, it may be fun. but when you go overboard, it isnt anymore. critising and gossiping- are they suppose to make life more interesting? you may say yes. it maybe funny. but you wont know whether you've hurt their feelings.

ephesians 4: 29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listens.

it's difficult to change, but it's also possible.

just think of Him.

2008-07-04T20:38:00.004+08:00

CLARICE: bright; clear; famous

well, read Leroy's blog. and he looked up on the meaning of names. as you can see, mine says bright, clear, famous. i feel so proud of my name(: although it's spelled as CLARICE, the meaning is still the same. it's just the spelling. (:

anw, thank God it's friday! i can finally not wake up at 6.03am. i know it's such a weird timing, but, ohwell. i need to be special!. haha! and since it's friday, i thought i should blog!. haha! anw, im proud of myself! i did homework that i usually dont do. [although i still dont do some.. haha!]

oh and as i've promised, this is a picture of me getting pretty.. [ look at my eyes!.] im actually sufferring on the inside.. ):
hi pretty!. nah, actually it was getting worse. haha.. but now, people can see my beautiful-tiny-wide eyes. haha!. sorry! no close shot, too disgusting and eww[female sheep! *inside story*] this is only for people who are 13 years and above. or else, you're gonna have nightmares!. rah!. anw, wanna know who took this disgusting shot? ms pearlyn chiam.or should it be ms disgusting pearlyn chiam.. i think the 2nd suits her better. (x

alrights, i think i should go back to my tv. it's calling me!!. [usually i'll say back to study, but for now, not!. (x ]

Amazing Love, how can it be?

That You, my King, would die for me

Amazing Love, I know it's true

And it's my joy to honor You

In all I do, I honor You

2008-06-28T21:46:00.006+08:00

have you seen my eye lately? well, for those who didnt, i'll post a picture next time and you'll see how bad the condition was. WAS i said. so that means that my eyes iss recovering!. praise the Lord!. see me on monday with both wide open eyes!. okay maybe not wide. but you get the idea. haha. so how was my week? well, i was kinda half blind for the week. and for that, some people just likes to stand on my left so i cant see them. \: what for? haha! (x anw, thank you leroy for helping!. hope see you soon!. (x

monday is chinese OLEVELS!. only oral.. but it's still a big kay!. yet im here not studying.. ): anw, cant wait for tml!.

okay. anw, im looking forward to after Os. have many wants-to-do on my LISTS!!. but right now. CLARIS gotta study. ):

ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

2008-06-20T15:49:00.006+08:00

i wanna play badminton again. (: [if only i could minus the butt ach part.] that's some extra info. haha..

how sweet the name of Jesus sounds

in a believer's ear!

it soothes his sorrows, heals his wounds,

and drives away his fear.

well my friends, im gonna study today. havent been studying the past few days. and i think it's good.. somehow.. okay.i think it's bad too.(:

isit that hard to say a thank you?

well, i have to admit it is. espceially to certain people. just listen when you receive one. you'll get what i mean.

sometimes, we're still grateful even though we didnt say it. but saying it would be better right? (:

2008-06-16T17:45:00.002+08:00

i was right.. blogging seems boring now.. it's a good thing right? i mean i wont blog everyday. let you guys know what's happening in my life.. stalkers.. okay. maybe not stalkers. just interested in my life. blahblahblah. i dont need to know your reason. unless it's interesting! hahaha!.

now here's a really touching video. (:

1 cor 10:13
no temptation has seized you except what is common to man. and God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. but when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

2008-06-12T19:54:00.004+08:00

ps: guess what? i always thought that the pictures i put on my blog will always turn out small until when i saw the small, medium and large button. 'no wonder her pictures are always blurr' -you might say. haha.. so funny.

just some random talk about shitting. i hate having stomache. makes me wanna shit. i have to stay in the toilet for several hours (not really) before shitting all the shit off. and while in the toilet, i kinda suffer. firstly, if i didnt bring anything in the toilet while shitting, i'll be bored. and while shitting, (censored!) next, it's so stuffy in the toilet. it's like you only have limited air to breathe. and when you see a fly, you'll be angry w it for taking a small amt of oxygen from that small, airless space. but yet, you cant do anything. or else you'll bear the consequences of cleaning up the whole toilet.. get it?. hahaha!.

alrights. hope that entertained you readers. says in a cold voice: so funny.. ha ha ha..
well, proud of myself today!. (x
im gonna study right now!
goodbye!

Their sins... I will remember no more.

Hebrew 10:17

2008-06-09T20:01:00.003+08:00

alrights. i feel kinda guilty not studying (hard) for the past few days.

you get motivated by doing things, not thinking about them.

yes! so CLARIS, stop thinking about them and start doing!.

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
-indeed, You are amazing.-

2008-06-07T22:37:00.003+08:00

(x enjoy!.
im going to chruch tml again!. (:
CLARIS is going to study. (:

2008-06-04T21:39:00.003+08:00

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
be honest and frank anyway.

What you may spend years building, someone may destroy overnight;
build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous;
be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
give the world the best you have anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it's all between you and God;
it was never between you and them anyway.

adapted by Mother Theresa; written by Dr. Kent M. Keith

by the way, i watched The Ellen DeGeneres Show this morning. there was this guy who did an experiment blahblahblah.. and the results show-something like when you give something or receive something, you'll feel happy. yeah.. (: alrights.. somehow i feel that i interpret wrongly..

How true that we laugh together, but cry alone..

2008-06-01T22:22:00.003+08:00

today is the first of june. tml i have to go for extra lessons. and right now it's 10 plus. WHY ARENT YOU SLEEPING YET?!.

alrights. sometimes, i feel that i have not grown up yet. maybe it's time i SHOULD grow up alr.. alr 16 claris, aiights. okay, claris shall be imprison at home until O levels are over because right now she's acting as if she's not taking any O levels this year. okay. other then the plans that are alr made, i shall stay at home and study as much as possible. i will ask if i dont know/ understand. i will reject most of the outings that doesnt help me in my studies.. [going out to relief stress is considered helping.. haha] i will sleep early and stop watching late night movies.

okay. right now i cant think of any other 'stupid' stuff. but claris will be disciplined in her studies and she will be going to church every sunday. claris can accomplish all these with God's help. (:

okay. talk about going to church, i went church today. aint that bad. actually i kinda enjoyed myself today. and most importantly, i've learnt sth in church. [usually i dont really understand the sermons and the youth group thingy..yeah..]

okay. somehow, i feel that blogging is so boring.. talking about your life and stuff. okay. maybe i dont have much to say anw, and YOU people need not know what i do every single day. you might as well stalk me or sth.. but please dont. hahaha. quoted from someone: blogging makes you self-centered. well, i dont know if it's true, but that's what she thinks..

okay. nights. there's AMATH tml!. im so excited!. haha.

2008-05-29T18:33:00.002+08:00

today is thursday. wow. this week passed really fast.. alrights. and im just happy that i dont have to go to school tml.. i hate extra lessons man. first of all, we dont have proper tables and chairs!. cant write properly. and secondly, they gave us break but the canteen isnt open. what genius!. okay. i need to buy food for next week. on 2nd thought, maybe not. i gotto lose some weight. (:

okay. im so excited for tml. cause im gonna collect my new spects!!. yaye!. haha.. i must be mad.. but i just cant wait. alrights. anw today, i dont really understand what im actually learning. though i understand what is what.. kinda..

alrights. time for me to study again. (:

i wanna cut my hair!. and i wanna do sth.. which i've forgot..

i wanna go to church. and im going this sunday!. im actually excited!. (:

'I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.'

2008-05-26T21:59:00.003+08:00

im back!.
alrights. firstly, back from mugging of chinese. and back from walking too much..
anw, im happy today. (: watched indiana jones.. dont really get the story but still, kinda nice. (: yeah and went to eat fish and co. oh and the best part was that i didnt pay for anything. muahaha. friend and sis helped to pay for everything. (: thanks eh. i feel expensive.. oh.. maybe cause i am.. (:

alrightsalrights.. 2 days ago was my birthday.. doesnt matter much anw.. cause i still have to study for chinese. but just wanna say: thank you so much for those wishes and presents. greatly appreciated. (:

alrights. moving on to other stuff. you know, i thought about some stuff like what i wanna do in the future.. well, i wanna travel around singapore first, then around the world. but sadly.. i dont have the money.. maybe only around singapore.. okay.. that's one thing.. and i also thought about my chinese os like what will i get/will i reach my goal/must i retake... [cause i really dont wanna retake it..] sometimes i feel that i should work harder and stop getting off my chair and walk around the house before continuing my work. and maybe i should be more focus and not think about other stuff.. well, it's alr over claris.. there's nothing you can do now.

oh talk about other stuff. disgusting person disgustingly has to destroy my day.. all i have to do is to remember that 'it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me'.

alrights. happythoughtshappythoughtshappythoughts. (: okay. im still happy about today. okay and im not really happy about tml. i have to pack my room which = give me soar eyes and rudolf's red nose. eww. and i'll perspire so much, i think i'll flood the room. and once it dries up, the room will be filled with salt. and once again. my room will be still dirty. so what's the point of cleaning up? arh.. im just kidding man. i wont flood the room with my persiration. i dont give out that much water. even if i do, i'll be dehydrated by then and die.. [everyone, start touching wood!.] but seriously, even if i did packed my room, it'll still be messy. cause half the room AINT MINE!. yes. im trying to say i have a messy and untidy sister. and i bet she wont read this cause she'll be too busy making her room as messy as ever and chatting with her online friends and doing her disgusting marketing project which i have no idea what it is about. know why? cause it's not implanted in my head! THAT'S WHY!

i hate projects.. okay that's one point for not going to poly.. yesyes. i havent choose where to go/which course to take/what jc to really go to/ blahblahblah.. same old story. alrights.. byebye. enjoy your holidays because when you reach sec4, it aint that fun no more.. though it looks fun.. -LOOKS ARE DECEVING!.

-okay i wanna go church, yet i feel guilty. dont ask.

There's a song that's inside of my soul.

It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again

I'm awake in the infinite cold.

But you sing to me over and over and over again.

So, I lay my head back down.

And I lift my hands and pray

To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours

I know now you're my only hope.

2008-05-17T18:46:00.004+08:00

PEER PRESSURE.

what the hell was i thinking then? okay whatever lah. i just want to talk to pea and weikee now. i feel so uncomfortable right now. and i gotta get some stupid stuff off my damn mind. arghh!.

alrights, my teeth feels weird. too much sugar i guess. okay and im fat. aww, man. i gotta start running and do sit-ups.

-too bad CLARIS, you gotta go study your chinese.

okay. im gonna now. byebye. ): (

And I'll say, ha, what I wanna say!

Tell me I'm an angel,

Take this to my grave.

Tell me I'm a bad man,

Kick me like a stray.

Tell me I'm an angel,

Take this to my grave.

2008-05-12T20:01:00.004+08:00

i just read something from the internet that reminds me of someone very special. (: makes me (: and ): but overall, (: 'i wanna be like her, someday.'

-inspired. im gonna work hard(: and change some stuff (: hopefully successful.(:

- CLARIS, you gotta get your butt away from the com in order to study. okay. someone stop me.

just a THANK YOU for being part of my life. you've made a difference. (:

For as long as I shall live

I will testify to love

I'll be a witness in the silences

When words are not enough

With every breath I take

I will give thanks to God above

For as long as I shall live

I will testify to love

the nice always finish last- isit true?

2008-05-10T19:01:00.006+08:00

hey babe, just want you to know that i miss you. (:

weikee-yaye! let's play!. and idk why my fonts like that. idk how to change. ):

GLORIA- i miss you a lot leh!. (x

shir- i said go away!. which part of the sentence do you not understand?

i feel so accomplished today. well, not yet. (x still have the night time, yo. (: im eating macs today!!!. yay!. and im growing fat!!! yay!. -shut up!. >:(
okay im happy today cause my blog have nice picture and lyrics!. (: http://www.boltcity.com/copper/copper_021_happy.htm

Why does my heart cry?

Feelings I can't fight

You're free to leave me, but just don't decieve me

And please believe me when I say I love you

2008-05-09T14:07:00.003+08:00

hellohellohellohello. im so happy. cause today i played basketball! it seems like years since i played basketball. well, it's gonna feel few like years again the next time im gonna play basketball. x( actually, no. cause for pe, we'll be playing baketball. yippe!. and i can learn some new skills!. i hope.. yipee, anw! haha. okay im kinda hyper now. maybe it's because of my a math test. im so damn scared throughout the a math test. i was scared to even hand up my work!. wth?! but i was also kinda excited when i handed up my work. :/ okay i cant wait to get my a math paper back!.

okay. midyears. okay it's kinda stressful. cause i always do last min studying. okay i cant do this for o levels. :( okay anw, because i was so stressed up doing my emath one night. i started to see things at the corner of my eyes.. erm. they are just shadows so dont get freaked out or anything. :). haha. but i thought it was a dog. see! that shows that im so tired. oh and i also kinda like midyears cause i dont really eat much. = thin! bullshit lah.. haha. okay and i also get to save money!. yaye!.

and the past few days, i've been having weird dreams. the night before, i'll dream of this person, and the next day i'll see her!. weird, huh? but it's quite cool! i can like predict the future.. (:

okay. maybe i should study. it feels weird not studying. but first, i want to sleep and eat now. -i lack of them during the midyears. x)

2008-05-03T18:30:00.006+08:00

keep breaking my heart.

alrights. today is good!. did amath in the morning though i did amath ytd till 2am. it's crazy man. but thanks to alyn's coffee [plus milkmaid which makes it damn freaking sweet. yummy!] i can stay awake! or maybe she's around, that's why i could stay awake. hmm. okay. then plus 3 hours of chem. i finally understand mole concept. STUPID MOLE! i've finally conquered you!. okay. i hate redox reaction now. so confusing. oxidation is a reducing agent, gains oxygen, loses electrons, loses hydrogen, increase oxidation number.and reduction is an oxisdising agent, loses oxygen, gains hydrogen,decrease oxidation number. i think it's correct. if it's wrong, it's the prove that it's confusing. (x oh talk about proving. i dont like proving double angles!!. convert until can die!!. one question can actually use one side of a paper!!.

okay. time for geog. happy mugging people!.

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

From LYRICSMODE.COM lyrics archive

Song lyrics | Come What May lyrics

2008-05-01T18:21:00.007+08:00

i feel stressed.. not really. time for disgusting ss again. )x
BLOW MY BRAIN!

2008-04-28T20:35:00.006+08:00

today aint a great day.
i just hate the way you act, you know.
- ugh. disgusts me.

alright. mid years are around the corner.. or maybe just this friday. this sucks, yo. i cant wait for midyear to end. this is just midyear, i wonder what it'll be like when o levels are here. you know, i think it's because of stress here and there that affects my mood real bad. im having like super bad mood, especially at home. i get annoyed easily. argh. i feel bad now. sorry.)x

Is it hard understanding

I'm incomplete?

A love that's so demanding,

I get weak.

I am not afraid to keep on living.

I am not afraid to walk this world alone

.Honey, if you stay I'll be forgiving.

Nothing you can say could stop me going home.

2008-04-26T23:07:00.003+08:00

*yawns..

okay. it's damn tiring just studying. study till 10-11pm. thank god for every weekend. x).
okay. both chinese and english oral is over. i predic that im gonna fail chinese. firstly, i cant really speak proper chinese. they are like small pieces here and there. then, idk how to say many,many words. that's damn bad. )x conversation is really bad. i said one sentence that idrk what im talking about. wth?!. but when i asked my chinese teacher, she said that i wasnt wrong. x).

okay next week, damn mid-year is starting. x( damn me is gonna explode. right now, my brain is filled w many, log, surds, matrix?? divergence, convergence, EQ, tsunami.. and why the hell are there so many flies in my hosue?! YES!. serisously, idkw, but there's a lot.. A LOT.. of flies in my house. i just wanna pull out their freaking wings out and squash them and flatten them so they would stay. okayokay.. i was exaggerating about the number of flies in my house. my house isnt like infested with flies. i wouldnt be able to sleep in peace. im just so annoyed by them. argh!!.
-i aint that stressed. x)

Came a time

When every star fall brought you to tears again

We are the very hurt you sold

And what's the worst you take

from every heart you break

And like the blade you stain

Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

And if you carry on this way

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight