apparently, people still read my blog. and because they dont tag, i thought no one reads it!. haha. funny.

well, today's the first day of the year 2010. quite sad that 2009 is over. yet, it's also a new beginning for all of us. (: hopefully, 2010 will be a better year. i guess many say this every year. maybe they dont make the effort to make it a better year, but to bitch about everything single thing that doesnt goes right in their life.

i know this year will be super tough for many of the jc2s and for me as well. and i have yet to make my decision whether to promote or retain. there's are many 'what if 's. because i dont want to make a wrong turn. though i've promoted. i feel that i cant make it cause according to data, avg a level results is 50 plus points for those who are in my category. but someone said that maybe i could be different. do i have to accept it? it's just numbers. it's the effort that counts. consistent effort. but do i have the energy to do it for 10 months? and thing is, i serisously have no idea what in the world the econs teachers are trying to teach me. it seem so foreign to me. should i retain and change my subject combi? or promote and suffer econs for 10 months? and then again, what if i have to take a levels again? wouldnt it be taking econs for another 10 more months?. just what if my results arent good enough to get into a U in Singapore? i cant repeat jc. do i have to go private? or maybe overseas to study? and what if i can retain? though it seems normal for people in sr to retain. but to me, it isnt. sometimes, i feel that the schools that i went to, pl sec, pl pri, it just seems as if it's not okay to retain. it's a disgrace. and in my family. i feel like the worse. not being able to match up to any of my sisters. yet again, someone said that the number of years that we take to study are just numbers. they dont mean anything actually. so what if you retain? come to think of it, maybe it's to help us survive out there. maybe it's for the better. and someone also said that retaining is like trading one year of your life for a better future. i felt super encouraged. but i still cant make up my decision. well, the letter is already sent in. and all i can do is to wait for God's answer. i really hope that He'll help me. maybe He has already answered my prayer, but maybe im too strongheaded to believe it's from Him. and maybe i just need one more, just one more comfirmation that He wants me to promote. and i shall not let my thoughts run wild. cause it drains my energy and keeps my mind of things that i want to do and i need to do. [ i still cant believe i've been dragging this for a very long time. ]

anw, sherlocks holmes was rather confusing. /: but i want to be as crazy and as smart as him.
and 2912? is awesome. relived those times. i really miss them. but it's never goodbye. (: and ytd was awesome too. but not as awesome as AVATAR!!. hahaa.

and im going to sarawak tml. and i have yet to pack my bag. ughh~ i have no idea why i signed up for it. well, im going to be super smelly and sticky.. hopefully not. (:

Labels: without you is how i disapppear