dear blogger/ unknown readers,

Today's my birthday. And it all started out so good. At midnight, the netballers came to surprise me. I really didnt expected anything from them. Seriously. The only thing in my mind was that it'll be the most aweful day, whereby my parents wont even remember that it's my birthday, or most of my friends would forget also. So when my mum came in i just said that it didnt matter if it's my birthday at all, then came in the netballers, with a giant card, few pieces of sliced birthday cake and the video of E-liz imitating Mrs J for.. many years. When did she start the very first video? hah.

After they were gone, I continued with my Doctor Who. And i slept until the next morning at 11am. Cause i still see no point of making myself so excited for the day, so why spend so long for this day. Anw, many msges came in, plus facebook wishes. Then for lunch, I ate with er jie. Balithai. Thereafter, we went to the pets safari. And my sister bought me a giraffe! Poor Raffti.

So, Big question. How did i spent my birthday? I was siting infront of this very computer the whole day watching series of Doctor Who and HIMYM. It's the same for me every single day. And guess what? Today was infact the most painful day and aweful day ever. Cause i didnt have someone to share it with throughout like last year. It was so horrible. I missed him. I still dont understand. Even though he may not be here torturing me emotionally, he still can. Memories of him just wants to fade away. But yet, im still holding on. What for? You're just wasting your time and effort. I hate myself for this. It's just such a lonely birthday.
I really wanted to get through this day without crying. But i've failed.
I know you dont care. And you're annoyed with me for everything. Nothing i do can ever have you back. Then why am i finding it so damn f-ing difficult to let go of you.

One thing i did learn today. Dont have any expectations at all and you wont be disappointed.
It's 11.53pm. Just 7 more minutes to the end of my birthday. It doesnt matter anymore.