Times has been hard on me. But I guess there's are worse cases. Right now as Im typing, I can feel my heart beating so damn hard. Reason? Im on the verge of crying. So in order not to, I have to breathe very hard and calmly. By just talking, tears would come. So whenever I wanna stop all these tears, I'd go to facebook and go to J's profile. Play the video- Oceans will Part. I find comfort in that song.

One thing i realised is that doing stuff, keeping myself busy is only a temporary solution. Eventually, it'll get tougher. Some nights you dream of him. Sometimes, you see him in your house. But it's just an imagination. Really, this thing is tearing me into bits and pieces. I become vulnerable at one look at his face. Or even seeing couples tgh. It just reminds me of him. It seems like everythings does nowadays. It's tough. But what else can do but to hold on to Him. Only God can take the pain away. And it's when times like this comes, all the more i should hang on to Him. Only He can bring me out of sufferings and pain. Being a christian doesnt mean you get to live a life without pain or trouble. For some, they live with it throughout their lives. I should be grateful that this is only temporary pain. It's taking more than I expected. But it'll pass. I believe God will not let me go through this for any longer. I believe it'll pass soon. Cause Im finally learning to let go of him. I just wished it didnt have to turn out this way. Cause it really sucks. Really.

I've lost a bestfriend at the same time. And i know that I can never have that friend that I used to know anymore. We've become strangers. You are stuck to your phone like glue. Even though i was beside you, you chose your phone over me. Silence took place. Nothing else came. You're not the man I used to know. Where's he?